Shattered

Here I am at his house, staring at the shattered picture frame
The air is tense, and I am alreadyon the way to escape out into the streetscape
I drink some cold water sitting on the counter which alters moods
and seems to have given my thoughts time to settle and to sink
In. The streets look for a friend, a sign, or me, I myself am weak and I'm sorry, I just can't leave, Its just too difficult to do, too difficult on me. I think
through it, them, as
we laughed together sipped on coffee at the shop now
4 years almost ago, and the man who came in every morning , making the same order, listening to stories & telling.
Who would have thought that I'd be here, nothing
complete and have lost almost, everything
And everything that had ever mattered, love, passion, life, mentality goes,
Up in the air and bursts into flames when I need them, now more than ever before?
Not that you ever cared for me before, at age 16, in the drenched, weathered coat
eyes penetrating into the depths of your soul
& crying in shame. Not that kid who never made it past preteen, who was
going to have to go, careening into the cement structure so, To die, & to never mature, to live, to love, imagine so to go.
Not that lover who from very first meeting
I would never & never want to live without until we are buried
into the earth inside our caskets & so demanded
To love & who will never leave me, not for money, nor religion,
nor even the pretty girl next door which is
Only our human lot & means everything. No, not her.
There's a song, "Join Me In Death", but no, I won't do that
I am weary. When will I die? I will never die. I will live
To be absolete, & I will never go away, & you will never escape from me
who am always & only a woman despite this primal rage. Spirit
Who lives only to weep.
I'm only one person, & I am heart broken, & I didn't expect to be betrayed
I came into your life to be your only one,
the only muse,
the only one you see
Now its over & I guess thats just fate, nevertheless
I will always see only you
The world's riches and beauties mean nothing anymore.

"Red Shift" poem assignment, my Favorite work